Five months after stepping down from my part time job as the Children's Ministries Director at our church I entered a new realization about my role as a full time stay at home mom. From day one I was thankful for this opportunity. I didn't question that it was a change called for by God. I saw the benefits in my relationship with my son. I was slowly settling into the role of homemaker. But what was new five months into this journey was my realization of contentment. I knew without a doubt that home is where I am supposed to be. I don't think I've felt such a sense of contentment in my life--ever.
despite this place of peace, I found myself falling short in my role as
mother, wife and keeper of the home. A whiny day from my two-year-old
was met with intolerance and irritation and my hard working husband came
home to a wife who showed no signs of contentment. I spent my evenings
recovering on the couch--after all, my day had worn me out and I
deserved a break. Despite having few commitments outside of our house,
dishes had piled up and laundry needed to be washed or folded. The
bathrooms were far from lovely and my list of what should be done ran much longer than the list of what was actually being done.
And that is when a Bible study I was doing through my church brought me a scripture and a new perspective on my life. "Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as
servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit;
for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life," 2 Corinthians 3:4-6.
working full time and then part time in the church, the fact that my
ministry could only succeed according to the Lord's strength and not my
own was on the forefront of my mind. I knew that when I tried to act
according to my own abilities and giftings things might look good (or
possibly awful) on the outside, but within myself and the core of the
ministry things would fall apart. I knew it was not by my strength but
His that things would succeed--and then it would be in spiritual terms
and measures designed by God. And when I stepped down from that role, I
knew that finding a new ministry would be key. After all, I needed to
thinking of my home and caring for my family never entered my mind as
that ministry. I knew it was the role God called me to, but looking at
it in spiritual terms didn't happen. Sure, I'd heard women talk about
how the ministry God had called them to in this season was their family.
I may have even applauded some while scoffing at others thinking it was
an excuse not to get involved in their church. But recognizing that my
family is my ministry first and foremost, no matter where I get involved
next just hadn't happened.
then working through the study leading up to this passage I started to
take on a new perspective. Which lead to 2 Corinthians 3:4-6 showing me
that everything I do within my home (dishes, diaper changes, cuddles,
laundry, cooking...) is my ministry and God will be the one who equips
me for it. Serving my family is not something I can do on my own, with
my strength or abilities. HE will make me adequate. Or, using the words
from other translations: sufficient (ESV), competent (NIV), and
will show me what my son needs. He will give me patience. He will give
me motivation to get off the couch. He will give me the desire to do
dishes. He will give me joy on the hardest day so I can greet my husband
well. That is, as long as I don't get in the way. It doesn't mean He'll
make me supermom. He'll make me the person I need to be to accomplish
the ministry He called me to. And then everything that happens within
that accomplishment will be a testament to the work He is doing in and
join me on my journey to becoming adequate--and being satisfied within
that role. To not just be content knowing I am where I'm supposed to be,
but to love every aspect of where that is.